Making it Up As I Go

I keep trying to write a post, but it’s not happening. It’s all about how I feel like I’m a bipolar introvert/extrovert, and how lately all I want to do is cancel everything that I’m planning and hole up in my house (retrench is the word that keeps going through my head, but I’m not sure that it’s the right one).  But then I hear about something like new people who moved in a couple of months ago and don’t have any friends yet and I find myself planning a lunch BBQ before I realize what I’m doing. Because I feel a responsibility, yes, but also because I want to. Because as much as I like just being by myself I like being around other people too.  I like knowing that I have friends- because I don’t always know that- and I think it’s important for other people to know that they have friends. Also because I just found out 3 more of my friends are moving, so I better not get too reclusive or I’ll end up with no friends at all.

It’s also about how I realized that I need to re-evaluate what I really think is important, and how I need to stop conflating the things that I find inspiring in other people’s blogs with their whole life and approach to doing things. Our fall schedule is still eluding me, and trying to do things other people’s way isn’t helping.

There are also some thoughts floating around about how taking on a lot of things is kind of like riding a bike for me- you know how when you pick up just the right amount of speed on the bike you can balance and go just fine, but if you slow down you topple over? When I have enough things on my plate, the momentum keeps me going. It’s when I don’t have things going on that I just sit still. No productivity whatsoever.  Which is part of why I keep resisting the feeling that I need to cut back on what we’re doing this fall- but the feeling keeps nagging me. Inspiration, or introversion? Who knows?

So there you go. Fascinating, wasn’t it? 😛