For those of you who don’t know, I have a deep seated catty streak. It doesn’t come out all that often, but it amuses me. And it matches well with Bruce’s snark, and sometimes the two come together quite beautifully. So today, in honor of B’s birthday, our IM conversation from earlier today about an album of pictures on Facebook. Unfortunately I can’t link to the pictures, so you’ll just have to imagine them. I will describe the first, which was a picture of a man and woman standing on either side of the back of a Mercedes, that had the license plate PLSE RCYL and a sticker boasting that the car ran on vegetable oil. The woman was looking off into the distance, away from the man. That stance was to be a reoccurring theme throughout the pictures. There was also a picture of them sitting on the far ends of a bench from each other, and one of her leaning on him, but only her elbow was touching his shoulder and the rest of her was about a two foot away from him.
Oh, and did I mention these were engagement pictures?
And here we go:
Bruce : I’m going to vomit. This is an “engagement photo”
Maryanne: What are you talking about? That’s hands down the BEST engagement picture I’ve ever seen! It so expresses the environmentalism that already sits at the center of their relationship, driving them slowly but inexorably apart. Notice her already complete distraction, as evidenced by her still open passenger side door- wasting the very vegetable oil that holds them self-righteously together. Um, I mean, nice picture
Bruce: You are wonderful
Maryanne: lol, thanks. I was going to say something about how his goatee would never live up to her expectations, but it didn’t come together
Bruce: You should check out the last pic in the gallery, I think the dude thinks he is some kind of troubadour
Maryanne: i LOVE that they’re like 5 feet apart in all the pictures. it’s like there’s a restraining order in place
Maryanne: but they still had to get the pictures taken to get the invites out.
Bruce: One pic looks like he’s going to bean her with the guitar
Maryanne: And SERIOUSLY, what’s with picture 12, with their rings on top of a spike surrounded by barbed wire??
WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE???
Bruce: I think there’s an amazing story to be put together around those pics
Maryanne: I believe there is. And all of their friends are liars. These pictures are neither beautiful nor are they soooo cute.
Bruce: lol. Look, you already won for the first comment…it’s like you’re trying to get extra credit or something
Maryanne: OH MY GOODNESS! I just got to the picture where he’s about to bean her with the guitar.
Maryanne: and look at the next one in that context, it looks like he did hit her, and now she’s just slumped against him. Ok, seriously, who are these people? where did you find them?
Bruce: You’re right, he knocked her out. Why are they kissing in front of a rusty old truck? [Note: This truck wasn’t just rusty, it was out in the middle of a field, disintegrating.]
Maryanne: I asked myself the same thing. Perhaps it’s eco concious?
Bruce: It must be. And they’re kissing from like 5 feet apart. Do they argue about recycling? Like maybe she’s not that in to it?
Maryanne: I’m telling you, it will drive them apart. Ok, we’re headed for the pool. And you know this whole conversation is ending up on my blog.
And it did. True story.
And don’t try to figure out who it is, none of you know these people. And thank goodness for that. 🙂
And edited to add: We don’t actually really know these people either, they’re tangentially connected to a facebook friend. So don’t go worrying that we talk about our friends (like you) like this.